She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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