Where did you get a picture of my penis
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
