my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
