Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
