Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
