Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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