Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
