I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
