bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
