Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
