Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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