At least make sure they are 18
Why
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
