HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
