My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
