K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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