I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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