There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
