If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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