Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
