She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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