I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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