Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You smell like stripper and shame
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
