so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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