He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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