i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
