I showed him my bush... on skype.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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