we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
