i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
