I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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