My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
