all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
