my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
