every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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