The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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