I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
