are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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