i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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