ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
