He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
