took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
