Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
