i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
