By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
