Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
