My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
