About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
