Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
