We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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