3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
