I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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