U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
