i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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